There are three essential kinds of problems in dating - or between
two people

1) The first kind is stated problems up front. She is Catholic, and your
Jewish. Those can't be worked out and make things dead from the start.

2) The second problems are those that people say, but might not mean. It's
not that they lie, or are bad people, but they are caught up in the
moment of their lives, and even if they think they know they feel someway
about something, they turn left or right in response to where they are
at the moment. They might be in pain, or rebounding from something, or
discovering something new about themselves, and are focused on a short
path. They have forgotten the more solid foundations of their person
momentarily in the excitement of what they are doing currently.

3) The third kind of problems are those that can be seen and identified
right up front, and after conscious assessment, you think you can work
through it as those problems will be superseded by benefits. After all,
no relationship is all one way. Compromise and constructive engagement (or
disagreement) is essential to a relationship. If these are miscalculated,
then you can have trouble.

In this case, I really like you as you are. But under category 1) we
have, I believe, a fundamental difference in the viewpoint of gender
roles. It is not that I think women should be quite (for sure not),
or that you should not be allowed to make a buck! for sure not! But
when we dance, if we dance, I at least like to have the illusion of
leading. And while we are both wild, we are wild in different ways. I
would not find hanging off a chandelier funny, ever. It is reckless and
inconsiderate, potentially harmful to others. If I'm getting arrested,
it is while locked up to the gates of the Soviet Embassy to protest
the enslavement of Jews in the USSR. And I would turn over the ground
over twice and come back from the dead for my kids. And then the night
through with laughs and live music in a small dive downtown.

Anyway, I knew when I walked away from the car last night that it would be
last time we would meet. I walked down to Canal Street thinking it over,
to try to see if I could see a sliver of it being any other way. I got
home at about 3AM or later, logged in and deleted you from my OKCupid
profile. Then I thought, when I got a little sleep and after making soup,
that Peasach has put me into such a bleak mood that I'm letting it turn
my vision.

But here is the thing,

I'm the guy who you would enjoy sharing meatballs with all over your
building. The guy who would enjoy running your son to school, to go
shopping with. I'm domesticated, very much so, with a NY bred wild
streak. This is not what you want. You want the Sweedish guy at this
point, even if you make Bruachas over martini's, I think. And it is sort
of too bad because there are only a few women that know of "Libations"
or have the intellectual firepower you have. And your a saint with you
family. I like you, even adore you, as you are. But it is not enough,
in this case.

Besides, over the last 6 months I sabotaged one relationship, ended
another be not showing up for a date, and otherwise made myself difficult
to date. Despite what others say, I think I need some space at this point.

I doubt you'll read this, but it was therapeutic to write it.

BTW - Esther, that is so much better than Mimi...

Este Lauder